First of all, Catie- your concern is appreciated and well founded. It is easy to get caught in a feedback loop when things are rough, and when you're down you often don't feel like you have the energy to break out of the loop.
This is precisely why I expressed my concerns about the biochemical and psychological effects of continued excessive use of alcohol. Not to be "preachy," not to rub it in, but because... in all senses, I've been there, and I hate to see others suffering as I and so many dear ones to me have suffered.
- My next oldest brother- 11 years my senior- was arrested for his first alcohol related offense when I was 5... right before my eyes. (He'd smashed his car into a bridge abutment, and led a parade of 6+ squad cars from there to my home. He stopped the car and was cuffed right below my bedroom window.)
- 15 years later, he was convicted of a felony committed while both drunk and high, and spent 10 years hard time.
- As a pastor, I knew many colleagues who self medicated, to the great detriment of their marriages and their parishes.
- Of course, I was also often called upon to help those affected by alcohol related problems.
- This was especially so during my year as a trauma chaplain, where I ministered to the people who had injured themselves and others while intoxicated, to the innocent victims, and to the families and survivors of both.
- And now more recently in my nursing studies having taken advanced psychology and biology, I have a much deeper understanding of what's behind it than I ever did.
- Most importantly- I had my own troubles, and thanks to the love and help of others, they're behind me now. In raising concerns and offering help, I was simply following the great adage of Christ and tradition of AA in doing unto others as you would have or have had done unto you.
NOT that I'm an AA zealot... someone characterized my message as "don't drink"- that's terribly inaccurate! My message is- if you drink too much too often, it really mucks you up, and you should do something about it! For feck's sake, I'm GERMAN, my people call beer "liquid bread," and my family's hometown in Michigan is tremendously proud that 1) They never gave the prohibitionist party a single vote, and 2) The two biggest fines imposed on any single bars were imposed there.
Back to your concerns Catie. There's a reason you don't know much about the happier things in our lives- I'm too busy living them to blog about them. Plus, Tess and I are 12+ years married, but still as newlyweds. The camera isn't rolling during those times!
But I really would like you to get to know Tess. She's at her best in the mornings, we live 1/2 block from the Anvil, so sometime if you'd like to drop by, let me know! I think you have access to my email... if not, Snark does.
You are very right to encourage me to accentuate the good experiences and positive things in life, which is precisely why I'm inclined to go dormant here till things shake out. I have this gut feeling that the dynamic has changed, and not for the better. I stopped posting much beyond videos and cute puppy pictures on my Multiply blog when Tess and I took turns for the worse because the atmosphere there tended to be more juvenile... people carping about stupid things like specific choices of words, fonts, etc. Someone was always looking to pick a fight, or to prove that he could more accurately hit a given spot on the wall with his stream of urine than the next guy. PaN was a haven from that, so I kept posting my "Kierkegaard x Buckley x Lewis Black" stuff here for a while, till I got so sick I wasn't even turning on the computer for days at a time. I started feeling better last week, resumed posting while still eschewing posting or commenting on controversial matters.
I don't know what's going on now, but its not been good for me since the fecal matter hit the spinning blades, and methinks a bit more febreze and lysol are in order still. There's more that I don't know or understand than I do, and that's fine- I can on occasion let other people deal with issues without my being involved, but this uncertainty feeds heavily into my hesitance to jump back in. I'm trying to look before I leap... I'm seeking jack ... so no jumping!
Tess is still as sick as ever, I have a month's worth of classes to make up on, a number of requests for further instructional videos about my rug craft... I don't have the resources to deal with unnecessary pathos. I'll help anyone who needs or wants help, but blog drama... zum teufel! Life's way too short, and I've better and far more important things to do.
Now, to test the waters to see if I'm wrong about that, and this place is gemütlich
again... here's a video dedicated to Dean, keeping in mind my favorite quotation from the Bard... because it fits me so well! *grin*
Much Ado About Nothing: "O that he were here to write me down an ass! But masters, remember that I am an ass: though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass." Act 4, Scene 2, lines 80-83
Die Toten Hosen - Zehn Kleine Jägermeister
So... if/when gemütlichkeit [warm conviviality] returns, so shall I- the reaction to this post and video should be telling on that count.. Else, I'll be busy studying, doing things off camera with Tess, and making my rugs. My videos get posted to Veoh, Youtube, and my multiply site- listig.multiply.com