KD Lang Sings to me... Lenard Cohen's Hallelujah

I post this for my lost Kerry.

I am having one of those days, where I think of MyKe


Could be this Lyric:
I heard there was secret chord.
David played and it pleased the Lord;
But you don't really care for music, do ya.
Well it goes like this the 4th, the 5th
the minor fall the major lift...

A Kerry Christmas Tree

The new wonderful roomate Catie surprised me yesterday.

Kerry and I never really decorated the apartment in Chicago.  We alway saved our efforts for the homestead in Sanibel, which, when finished, would be visible from space.  With Kerry's passing I have had even less desire to commit to holiday decorations up here.

Well, Catie noted the dried roses from the his wake that I kept in vases in the kitchen.  From this she was inspired to do a special Christmas tree, dedicated to Kerry, with rose lights.

It gives off the most beautiful and cozy warm glow.

Just Because It's June - More From Ms. Garland

'Cos it's June with my 39th (12th anniversary thereof) birthday on the 6th, on which day we saw Judy's fabu daughter, the Magnificent Liza Minnelli; the 10th was Ms. Garland's 88th birthday, the 22th is the dark 41st anniversary of our Ms. G's death, the 24th is my Kerry's 2nd anniversary of his passing, which hovers deeply embedded in my soul. And ferchrissakes its Gay Pride Month!

So! Let's let the Judy sing a loud and fast and furious one: "Come Rain or Come Shine"! This is as close to her Carnegie Hall concert that we will ever get on film! And it is truly one of her best (watch as she she grabs and pinches herself to maintain control as she recognizes how well she is presenting this):

Man that got away

On this dark annivesary

It Is The Little Things...

...That grieve me most.

Today, Kerry's minutes on his cell phone expired.

That means it was a year ago today that I loaded up his phone with $150.00 in minutes so that he would have them available as he faced down his crisis. I figured he would need them for calls to family and friends, doctors, etc.

He only lived long enough to use $15.00 worth.

Since his passing, I have tried to use his phone whenever possible to use up the rest of these minutes. But I found this next to impossible and only went though $10.00 worth, mainly because me calling on his cell phone would spook everybody who had his number programmed into their own phones.

So the last thing I used it for was a 2 line text message last week. 2 lines for $125.00.

The cost is irrelevant, as one more piece of him slips away, and I am saddened and despondent.

One more thing to pack away, among my souveniers.

I miss him so.

And Later Today...

I got in one of K's sister's car for an excursion and looked down at my ankles and low and behold, there was Kerry. (I had successfully avoided assisting in unpacking the car knowing he lurked somewhere within.)

Sister sez: "I hope you're OK. I forgot he was down there!"

I sez: "Its OK. We are old friends."

We also finished decorating the palm tree. You may recall the pictures from last year of Kerry up on a ladder decorating it in black socks with sandals, bermuda shorts and white belt (faux pas due to lost luggage). Kerry always poured his heart and soul into decorating this tree. So we had a major tribute to pay. The first palm frond took us an hour. As we progressed we honed our technique and did the last frond in under 10 minutes. Lights, lights, and more lights. At night, you can now see it from the space station. We're labeling the tree tonight as "Kerry's Tree".

It is the marvel of Periwinkle Park. People have come by with tripods snapping photo's. Methinks, Kerry is pleased.

Catie's Shell update:

Banded Tulip
and
Drum Roll, Please!
At last, the tiniest Sanibel Wentletrap EVEH!!! (thank you, Maggie)

Also, on the aforementioned excursion I found a silver pendant of a Lighthouse. It spoke to me! I had to have it! It was triple marked down because...

It has the most obscene shape, due to the ill conceived placement of a scallop and a sand dollar at its base. Kerry is laughing.

Hallelujah! - Internet's Working

Without me unplugging things of which I have no idea what they do.

I think Kerry heard my prayer.

Thank you, MyKe!

Now is the summer

of our discontent...
We've lost our Doug, on top of losing our Kerry...

Cos he sat in my chair and ruined my sleep

He was just that kind of a guy:


Somebody hold me too close,
Somebody hurt me too deep.
Somebody sit in my chair
and ruin my sleep,
and make me aware
of being alive
Being alive

Somebody need me too much
Somebody know me too well
Somebody pull me up short,
and put me through hell,
and give me support,
for being alive,
Make me alive.
Make me alive..
Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Harry my days;
That alone...
Is alone...
Not Alive!

Somebody crowd me with love,
Somebody force me to care,
Somebody let me come through,
I'll always be there
As frightened as you,
To help us survive,
Being alive
Being Alive
BEING ALIVE!!!

I had that.

not so much anymore.

In Requiem - Amazing Grace - Jessye Norman

Amazing Grace, That...

Youkali Tango - Ute Lemper - For Kerry

I started with a disordered life. I finished as a Mensch.